Yesterday’s challenge was a bit counterintuitive, but bear with me: my challenge was to allow myself to take it easy.
I’m a high-achieving, driven, goal-oriented sort of gal — think Type A on steroids — and I often refuse to give myself a break, even when I know I need one. There are times when I know I need to rest, but I don’t slow down. I work hard, sweat hard, and carry on as if I’m not hurting, exhausted, or struggling to stay awake.
There have been many times when I’ve been feeling under the weather, but I’ve pushed myself anyways and only gotten sicker as a result. I’ve been gradually learning that I have to focus on being good to myself as opposed to being as productive and achievement/results-oriented as I can be, but putting that theory into practice has been a challenge.
(Brandon, who has at many points tried to make a case for this logic, can attest to my thick skull when the rubber hits the road on this issue.)
On Tuesday night, I was exhausted. I was yawning incessantly starting at about 6 p.m., I had no appetite for the food I’d cooked, and I was worn down by election stress.
I just wanted to have some tea, roll myself up in a comforter, and watch TV that in no way pertained to the election.
“But I need to write,” I kept muttering to myself through my 11 million yawns. “I committed to it! I’ll be a failure 5 days into my own self-initiated challenge if I don’t!”
And then I realized: I was afraid that honoring my needs was going to make me an epic fail at my own game.
Que the lightbulb going on over my head.
Once I realized that, I also realized that the challenge du jour was to face my fear of putting my needs first. It made me uncomfortable, but I knew I needed to do it.
And so I brewed a cup of my favorite tea (Bengal Spice, by Celestial Seasonings), grabbed a comforter, turned myself into a Lillian burrito, and watched Homeland with Brandon. It turned out to be just what the doctor ordered!