When I was a little kid, I had an irrational fear of tornadoes. Some of my earliest memories involve an unshakeable fear that a giant twister would creep up in the night (because obviously tornadoes are totes known to be quiet, sneaky things), possibly while looking like the Hamburgler, and suck me out of my bed. I’d be tossed into an oblivion, probably with a lot of airborne cows. (Tornadoes always involve flying bovines, right? RIGHT?) As I got older, that irrational fear morphed into a general wariness of Mother Nature. Imagine me standing next to Mother Nature while doing this:
Anyways, back to the present day: DC is expected to get a round of hardcore thunderstorms today. It’s not supposed to be like the derecho we experienced around this time last year, but these storms are supposed to be some gnarly beasties that will involve a lot of wind, torrential rain, flooding, hail, and possible tornadoes.
Soooo…given my irrational fear of tornadoes, I figured I’d illustrate my extensive understanding of disaster planning efforts (by which I mean “the stuff I hear people say about disaster planning”) and what I fully expect will be my reaction if, God forbid, we encounter any sort of imminent threat from a tornado. Obviously I am a mature, capable adult who remains calm and focused in the face of meteorological danger.
Watch or listen to the local news to keep apprised of the situation.
Tip #2: Make lists of the things you’ll need if you have to shelter in place.
Tip #3: Prepare for power outages by ensuring that all your devices are charged, while also stockpiling batteries and flashlights. If the power goes out, grab a flash light and stay cool.
Tip #4: Most imortantly, it’s critical that you stay calm. Panic is contagious, but so is calm — so, if disaster strikes, lead by example and remain calm, cool, and collected.
Obviously, I’m precisely the sort of person you want to have around in the event of a tornado. I’ll be the calm, uber-prepared one, chillin’ in the basement…by which I mean, I’ll basically be doing this: