MIMM: One More Day

G’morning, y’all! I hope everyone had a lovely weekend — preferably one filled with R&R, laughter, and general shenanigans.

‘Round these parts, I’m counting down the days until my fibroid surgery. One more day, people! One more day, and then I’ll (knock on wood) hopefully be on the road to recovery. One more day, and I hopefully won’t have to rely on hardcore meds to keep the pain in check. One more day, and hopefully I’ll be able to go back to regular, normal life. It’ll be marvelous!

Before getting into the other marvelous things going on in honor of Healthy Diva Eats’ Marvelous in My Monday, I figure I should be honest about getting a little somethin’-somethin’ off my chest.

MiMM MIMM #56 With One Special Arrival

 

Among the various things that have been seriously craptastic about this experience is that between the hormones gone awry (side note: Provera is the devil!) and my forced exile from exercise, I’ve gained 30 pounds. My eating habits haven’t changed — but I almost wish they had, since that’d provide a straightforward explanation for this nonsense.

I know I shouldn’t be as upset by this as I am, what with all my fervor about positive body image — but in the interest of being honest here, it’s driving me mildly insane. I’ve never weighed this much in my life, and I can’t stand how I feel. In addition to the fact that I barely recognize my own body, the extra weight leaves me feeling slow, sluggish, out of shape, and totally uncoordinated.

 

 

I feel like I don’t understand my own body, simply because my body has never been like this before. I’ve always been active and athletic, and although I’ve never been particularly skinny, I’ve always felt healthy — and, in my opinion, being healthy is way more important than being skinny.

Now, though, I don’t feel even remotely healthy. All the extra weight and the forced inactivity makes me feel like my body is only capable of moving at a snail’s pace — if that snail happened to be navigating through a river of molasses. I’ve never been so sedentary in my life, and I feel like I’ve been gorging on Doritos and donuts, even though what I’ve really been eating is stuff like GF oatmeal, avocados, chicken breasts, and fruits and veggies galore. With apologies for the swearing (my Mom reads this blog, so I try to keep my language clean — but this is the only thing that sums up my feelings, soooo…apologies in advance, Mom!), this is what I feel like whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror:

 

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So, between the persistent, acute abdominal pain and the ridiculous weight gain, to say that I’m incredibly eager to get back to normal life would be a gargantuan understatement. As soon as my doctor says it’s safe to exercise again, I’m going to throw myself into the loving embrace of the elliptical and the kettlebell. (What’s that, you say? Ellipticals and kettlebells, much like other inanimate objects, don’t give good hugs? Well, crap.)

In the meantime, though, I’ve been doing everything I can to perk myself up. For a nerdy-yet-girly gal like myself, this has involved three things: tea, books, and cosmetics.

Because my favorite type of tea, Celestial Seasonings, contains soy lecthin (seriously, Celestial Seasonings, I lurve you guys to the moon and back — how could you do this?! Why you gotta play me like that?), I’ve had to switch to Yogi tea. I was able to find a reasonably similar replacement for my favorite herbal tea, (Celestial Seasonings’ Bengal Spice): Yogi Tea’s India Spice. With some honey and a bit of coconut creamer, this ish is pretty darn good.

 

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I also hit up the library this weekend for some entertainment reading. When my mind isn’t occupied by a bazillion other things, I tend to go for non-fiction or historical fiction books (nerd alert!) — but when the going gets tough, I go straight for the chick lit. Jennifer Weiner has long been one my favorite fiction authors, and our library branch had two of her more recent novels that I haven’t read yet. Entertainment ensues!

 

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I also picked up some new bronzer; considering that I work in a windowless office and am naturally pale, I have the skin tone of a cadaver. To say the least, my skin needs some help in order to look like my veins aren’t filled with paste.

I also got some new nail polish, and I fully intend to go into tomorrow’s surgery with a fresh, bright pink pedicure. I specifically bought Essie polish because it’s free of some of the uber-heinous toxins — specifically formaldehyde, toulene, and dibutyl phthalate — commonly found in nail polish. (In the course of all my auto-immune research, I found that most cosmetics are filled with some seriously awful stuff. Formaldehyde, for example, is a known carcinogen, and dibutyl phthalate causes birth defects. And yet, it’s everywhere. No bueno!)

 

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So, although I don’t have any grandiose designs for keeping myself going amidst the medical shenanigans and loathsome weight gain, I do find that the small things really do help. Whether it’s behaving like a total goofball with Brandon, daily phone calls with my mom, emails from Susie, the smell of clean linens (I’ve been known to bury my face in clean towels as I pull them out of the dryer, just to get a whiff of their happy scent), a pedicure, or a funny movie, focusing on the things I enjoy — the people, experiences, and things that make me happy — gives me just enough of a lift to make all this insanity feel a bit more manageable.

Those little things, and the mood-boosting benefits they bring, are quite marvelous indeed.

What do you do to lift your mood when the going gets rough?

Do you love the smell of fresh linens? (Please tell me I’m not the only one who goes bonkers for stuff like this!)

Did you do anything special this weekend?

20 thoughts on “MIMM: One More Day

  1. cjoye7 July 1, 2013 / 9:54 am

    Hey love, been thinking of you constantly and crossing my fingers/saying a prayer all goes well tomorrow!! XOXOXO

  2. Taryn July 1, 2013 / 10:04 am

    Bright nails are an excellent pick-me-up! And Jennifer Weiner books are great reads. I’ll be thinking of you all day tomorrow!

  3. Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama July 1, 2013 / 10:33 am

    Will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending lots of love & well wishes your way for a smooth surgery and quick recovery. While I 100% agree that being healthy is more important than being skinny, I can totally understand why you feel frustrated with your weight gain. You are doing everything right to take care of and fuel your body properly, and I bet those pounds will just melt off once you recover and are able to get back to your normal routine!

  4. Christine@ Apple of My Eye July 1, 2013 / 10:41 am

    I’m sorry you’re going through that struggle. It must be so hard to have the meds so drastically change up your body.

    Make sure to pamper yourself, you honestly deserve it so much! I love baths and massages.

    This weekend I went on a wonderful hike with my man and went to a local fair by the beautiful ocean!

  5. chasingchels July 1, 2013 / 12:33 pm

    Little things like that (esp the books and tea) always lift my mood when i’m down! I find a favorite book or new book from a favorite author and curl up on the couch under a blanket for an afternoon. I need one of those days in my near future i think. Sending all my good thoughts your way for tomorrow! I have a feeling you’ll be back to your self in no time, love. This is just a short time in your life where other parts of your health are more important than the physical/exercise part…you’ll get that back before you know it!

    • Cindy Jillie July 1, 2013 / 1:00 pm

      You are a beautiful young girl, and 30 pounds or not, you will be looking good in that hospital. You are in my prayers for a successful surgery, and a quick recovery. God is watching over you, Lillian.

  6. Alix July 1, 2013 / 12:59 pm

    So I change my sheets far more often than is really necessary – BECAUSE I LOVE THE SMELL OF FRESH LINENS!!! *high fives*

    Y’know, what? You are giving your mind and your body what they need right now. And you have really great, healthy habits to fall back into when you’re on the other side of this, and you are gonna bounce back with a vengeance! I, for instance, lift my mood with ice cream when the going gets rough, and that’s a bummer of a habit to try to kick. You? You’re treating your body right. So you rock on! You’re an inspiration, even when you’re feeling blah.

  7. Erin July 1, 2013 / 1:06 pm

    Hey lady, I’ve been thinking of you and sending epic loving and healing thoughts your way!

    I definitely understand the feeling of not being comfortable or understanding your body. I promise it is a natural feeling. Your body is doing its best right now to get better. Keep eating foods that make you feel as good as possible, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Do not let guilt get in the way. Trust your body to tell you what it needs (even if it’s Doritos every so often ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

    My personal feeling is that your body puts on fat in times of stress in order to protect you, the glorious soul who lives inside of it. Think of your extra padding as a security blanket your body is wrapping around you to keep you safe. A soft snuggly blanket made of awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

    As far as feeling schlubby due to inactivity, are there any gentle activities you can participate in that you genuinely enjoy? Even if they don’t get you all sweaty & make you feel like a badass, maybe you can at least get some movement in to make your body feel happy. Things like gentle yoga/stretching (love those moon poses!), bike riding, singing your heart out (I know this always gets my blood pumping), swimming, playing games on Xbox Kinect or Wii, taking a walk around the block, etc.

    Even anything you can think of to reconnect with your body & send some love its way. I love your cosmetics idea! I know I always feel fancy with a shiny new pedicure. Wear your favorite jewelry/perfume/scarf/special occasion shoes. Kiss & snuggle your honey often ๐Ÿ™‚

    Good luck with your healing journey! You can do it ๐Ÿ™‚ <3<3<3

    Erin

  8. Charlotte @ Commitness to Fitness July 1, 2013 / 1:55 pm

    Good luck with your surgery!! Wow you’ve been on such a tumultuous road, your story is amazing. You’ve been dealing with soo much sh*t lately. poor you! I hope you have a VERY speedy recovery and life gets back to normal for you soon. For one thing, your daily posts are severely missed!! and the smell of fresh linens- yes please. if i could breathe that smell all day every day, i have a feeling my anxiety levels would be in much better check ๐Ÿ™‚ again, good luck in surgery- you’ll do great, especially with that awesome pedi!!

  9. Mary July 1, 2013 / 2:25 pm

    I hope that all goes well and you feel like yourself again – hugs and prayers

  10. Becky @ Olives n Wine July 1, 2013 / 2:26 pm

    Thinking of you throughout the next few weeks of recovery! You are such a strong woman and I know you’ll make it through ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Dana July 1, 2013 / 2:50 pm

    Thinking of you!! I hope all goes well, you’ll be fine!

  12. Liz @ The Girl on Fire Now July 1, 2013 / 3:33 pm

    Hahaha I reach for the Bible, Calvin and Hobbes, my fave blogs, and a cup of tea ๐Ÿ™‚

    I love it when my sheets/clothes come out of the dryer … aaah.

    I ran 4 miles this morning and I don’t know how many yesterday because I did intervals on the treadmill (whose displays don’t work) while watching Despicable Me

  13. lifeaslisaknowsit July 1, 2013 / 6:35 pm

    I LOVE smell of fresh linens! My husband thinks I do wash way too much but I just love when all my clothes / sheets / towels smell fresh and clean. I especially LOVE the smell of fabric softener! ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Alex @ therunwithin July 1, 2013 / 8:16 pm

    i am sorry you are feeling less than stellar, that is not easy. and boy is this weather not helping anything I bet. thinking of you a whole lot!

  15. livliveslife July 1, 2013 / 8:21 pm

    Best of luck to you with the surgery! I hope everything goes well and you start feeling better immediately! I can imagine the inability to exercise would get so frustrating…just stay positive (again, I’m just amazed at your positivity!) and think toward the future when everything is back to normal again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Jorie July 1, 2013 / 10:05 pm

    Oh, Lillian, I’m so sorry to hear about this all. Best of luck with surgery tomorrow; I’ll be thinking of you! You will be back to normal before you know it. I’m so amazed that you’re able to stay cheery, witty, and positive throughout all of this. You are an inspiration!

  17. musingsoftheamusingmuse July 2, 2013 / 9:29 pm

    I hope your surgery today went off without a hitch! You’ll be hitting the elliptical and kettlebell before you know it!

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