A Weighty Matter

Good morning, everyone — and happy Friday!

First,an update on my test results: as it turns out, the bouncer isn’t doing his job of kicking out the cancer cells. (Bouncer, seriously. DO YOUR JOB.) The rogue elements are still there, but the good news is that it hasn’t progressed. It’s still early-stage and low-grade, so my doctors doubled my dose of progesterone in hopes that the extra hormones will do the trick. I’ll get another procedure done in January to see if it worked, so for now, my fingers are crossed that the extra bombardment of progesterone will get the job done.

I was, not surprisingly, really disappointed when I got the test results back. I’d so hoped that it’d be gone, but since it’s not, I want to do everything possible to help the meds do their job. I did a lot of thinking about this — and by “a lot of thinking,” I mean some serious ruminating. (I’m nothing if not a champion ruminator, y’all. Kinda like this guy, but with fewer canine tendencies and more pro-con lists.)

 

 

Since everything started going haywire last spring, I’ve been debating whether or not to go back on Weight Watchers. I originally joined Weight Watchers in January 2012, and I managed to lose over 20 pounds — so between WW and running I was in great shape.

And then this spring, I just…got tired of it. I’d been on it for over a year, and I felt like counting points and planning what I was going to eat a day in advance was getting really old. I also felt like I had a good handle on what I could and couldn’t eat in order to maintain my weight.

As it turns out, though, I was wrong. Wronger than Miley Cyrus’s unfortunate new habit of sticking her tongue out at every photographer within a 50-mile radius. Wronger than the resurgence of 80’s fashion trends. Wronger than texting while driving a car flying the Space Shuttle.

 

Like, I said: wrong. So, so wrong.

 

Between going off WW and a Breaking Bad marathon-induced hiatus from exercise (hey, at the time it seemed imperative that we get totally caught up on ALL THE EPISODES before the final season aired!), I gained all the weight back, plus more, in the span of one month. It’s not like I’d gone from eating celery to gorging on Doritos, either — I just reverted to my old habit of snacking on things like cashews, which I then did while watching hours of Breaking Bad with Brandon.

But still, I fell off the wagon. And thus: four weeks. Thirty pounds. Blamo.

It was shortly after this that things started to go so monstrously awry with my reproductive system, and I have a sneaking suspicion that my rapid weight gain was one of many factors that led to this mayhem. I have no way of knowing that for sure, and there were medication changes that had messed with my hormones too — so there were probably many factors involved and, thus, no way to isolate any one variable.

That said, though, the fact that the rogue elements aren’t gone reignited the “Do I go back on WW or not?” debate.

After thinking about it for a few days, the decision became clear: knowing that 1) endometrial cancer feeds on estrogen, and 2) fat cells produce estrogen like it’s going out of style, I need to restart WW, stat. I need to accept the fact that I’ll be planning out meals and counting points, because the Irish potato famine is embedded in my DNA and, as a result, every fat cell in my body is preparing for apocalyptic and imminent starvation by packing on pounds from every ounce of food I eat.

 

Clearly this is embedded in my genes, and my body responds accordingly.

 

I might not like having to pay attention to every bit of food that goes into my mouth, but if it can help my chances of kicking this gnarly business to the curb, then it’s worth it. After all, counting points for the rest of my life is a lot more manageable than having to get a hysterectomy.

Soooo, all that is to say that I’m back on the WW bandwagon — and I want to keep myself accountable more publicly this time.

Ergo (I’ve always loved that word), you’ll be hearing about this process from time to time. I’m not going to get all “this is everything I ate today” on you (because sweet baby Jesus that’d be boring), but I will make a few mentions of it just to make sure I stick with the program this time.

And, with all that said, now that I’m cleared to exercise again I’m off to the gym for my first sweat session in over a week. I hope everyone has a wonderful day (insert Friday-induced happy dance here) and a fabulous weekend!

 

22 thoughts on “A Weighty Matter

  1. Alex @ therunwithin October 25, 2013 / 7:37 am

    gosh I am so sorry – i think it comes down to how you feel. if you don’t feel good, beyond any physical aspect, then you should try to change or add what you think will help. However, you also should cut yourself some slack, you are and have been going through a lot!

    • Lillian @ Seize the Latte October 27, 2013 / 9:35 am

      Thanks, love — I agree that how I feel is the key point here. If it makes me feel awful, it’s not worth doing. And thank you for reminding me to cut myself some slack — I need those reminders from time to time. πŸ™‚

      • Alex @ therunwithin October 27, 2013 / 11:34 am

        We all do, myself included! If only we were all superwomen.

  2. jonathanhilton October 25, 2013 / 9:12 am

    Good luck with your medical issues. I think a positive attitude is a must. As for the weight, you can do that too. I know how hard it is to get it off and keep it off, all you can do is to do the right thing today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Thank you for sharing and know I am thinking positively for you. In my experience there is a reason for every experience. We may not like or enjoy the experience, but there always seems to be a positive reason for them. πŸ™‚ Kick your cancer and weight whatever amount makes you happy. Happy Friday.

    • Lillian @ Seize the Latte October 27, 2013 / 9:34 am

      Thanks so much for the encouragement and positive thoughts, Jonathan — it helps a lot! I agree that, in my experience, there has been a reason for every experience. The last few months, however, have been the hardest of my life (due to my own situation and some other huge things happening in my family that I can’t talk about here), so I’m struggling to figure out what on earth the reasons could possibly be. I trust that they’ll become clear in time, but oy, it can be really hard to remember that!

      • jonathanhilton October 28, 2013 / 10:14 am

        Lilian, I know what you mean, when you are in the tempest it is difficult to see the greater purpose and the “good’ that can possibly come from it. Unfortunately only time and perspective seem to let us see that. I will tell you, have faith that there is a goodness in everything and it will become clear. Until then all you can do is the best you can. Help others where you can and choose positive thoughts of love when choices are presented to you. I wish you the best, and don’t hesitate to write or email if you need to get something off your chest. (jonathan.hilton1985@gmail.com) Sometimes telling a neutral third party about your problems helps. I am a non-judgmental person who tries to practice what I preach. Look for opportunities where you might be able to help and offer it. If not, no problem, I am sending you the most positive thoughts that what you face will soon be better.

  3. Jorie October 25, 2013 / 9:34 am

    Good for you, Lillian! I think it’s important to take control and do whatever you need to feel better and more like yourself. If WW is it, then awesome. If it’s not, you’ll figure out another route. πŸ™‚ Have a good weekend!

    • Lillian @ Seize the Latte October 27, 2013 / 9:31 am

      Thanks, Jorie — taking control of even one area of my life is making me feel a lot better. It’s amazing how much of a difference it makes!

      Hope you’re having/you had an awesome weekend!

  4. Meghan @ fitnesscrEATures October 25, 2013 / 11:18 am

    I can’t even begin to comment appropriately on everything I’ve just caught up with on you. What’s happening to you is something i can’t fathom and can’t express how truly sorry I am for your situation. However, with that being said, I think after knowing you through this beautiful blogging business, have one of the best attitudes on life and that is transferring to this, too. I am humbled by what you’ve shared and I am happy to hear you’re harnessing your strength to handle everything you’ve come across. Everyone has to start somewhere, and plenty of people can credit WW for their start onto a healthy journey – so since it’s worked before, surely it will work again for you. So much love for you, thank you for coming back and sharing, and continue with the updates. Enjoy your weekend! ❀

  5. Sarah Schlesinger October 25, 2013 / 11:20 am

    Weight gain that fast definitely sounds hormonal in nature. Doctors wouldn’t pay attention to my concerns about weight and diet regarding my hormonal problem; of course, it turns out that the entire hormone problem was dietary in nature and has been reversed by changing my diet. It could be worth asking a dietitian or nutritionist that specializes in hormone conditions – in my experience, the OBGYNs and Endos were totally disinterested in dealing with it themselves. But I’ve been really amazed by how changing my diet has had such an immense impact on my hormones, so it could be worthwhile looking into it. The bottom line is do whatever you have to do to feel good (okay, well, maybe not “whatever,” since that would probably involve fleeing DC for Colorado and never looking back). Good luck and keep up your awesome attitude! πŸ™‚

    • Lillian @ Seize the Latte October 27, 2013 / 9:28 am

      Wow, seriously?! That’s amazing — I had no idea that changing your diet made such a huge difference with your hormones (which, BTW, is awesome and totally gives me hope). If you’re willing, I’d really like to hear what changes you made and how they helped. (You can email me privately about that if you’re up for talking details, but no worries if you’re not.)

      It’s appalling that your doctors didn’t see the connection and didn’t want to deal with it themselves, especially when it’s a much less gnarly fix than meds or surgery. When the rapid weight gain happened, my doctor ran a full blood panel, but all the usual suspects — thyroid, etc. — came back normal, so from the thyroid angle at least, there’s no explanation. But, still, I can’t help but think that all this stuff is interconnected.

      And, um, you hit the nail on the head regarding “whatever”: it absolutely involves fleeing DC for CO and never looking back. Aaaah, to have a huge slush fund… πŸ˜‰

  6. Ms. Chocolate @ Cheating On Chocolate October 25, 2013 / 11:23 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about what’s going on.

    I had something similar, but mine never made it all the way to being cancer. One of the first things my doctor told me was to watch what I ate & to lose some weight. WW was the only way I felt “in control” of my life at that point in time.

  7. Caitlin @ The Siren's Tale October 25, 2013 / 11:57 am

    I’m sorry to hear the results weren’t what you were hoping for, but thank goodness nothing is getting worse! I’ll keep my fingers crossed that come next result time, you are hearing fabulous news!

    It’s so easy to fall off the wagon. I lost 50 lbs. and was going full steam ahead, then life hit and I just stopped. I’ve only put back on about 7 lbs., but I also still have a lot to loose. Reading this reminded me how important it is for all of us to make smart decisions every day. Thanks for the motivation! πŸ™‚

    • Lillian @ Seize the Latte October 27, 2013 / 9:20 am

      Thanks, Caitlin — my fingers are crossed that the meds do the job this time.

      And oy, do I ever understand how hard it is to keep up with the weight loss routine when life hits. It’s amazing how easy it is to backslide. But, that said, mad props for losing 50 lbs — it’s not easy to do at all, so you deserve a lot of credit for your hard work and success! πŸ™‚

  8. Charlotte October 25, 2013 / 2:02 pm

    ok well 1. you are a crazy bright ray of sunshine, inspiration and awesomeness all at once. 2. like you, i share that enviable quality of putting on weight within weeks, the next potato famine’s got nothing on us. 3. STUPID POTATO FAMINE GENES 4. im sorry you didnt get the test results you wanted- next time!!

    • Lillian @ Seize the Latte October 26, 2013 / 12:07 pm

      1. Stop it, you’re making me blush! 2. Right?! I swear, my body really does think that famine is imminent. 3. Thanks, hon! My fingers are crossed for a better result next time. πŸ™‚

  9. livliveslife October 25, 2013 / 7:17 pm

    Potato famine genes SUCK. I’m right there with you on that one.

    I didn’t know that fat cells produce estrogen. First of all, that’s good to know, and second of all, I think it’s a great idea, then, that you’re going back to WW. I’m sorry to hear the test didn’t come back great…I’m hoping and praying it does next time! Have a great weekend!

    • Lillian @ Seize the Latte October 26, 2013 / 12:05 pm

      Amen to the general suckitude of potato famine genes — I swear, all the women on my mom’s side (the Welsh aristocracy side of my family) are all delicate and slender, whereas I inherited the hearty, farm-and-have-a-bajillion-babies body type. Le sigh.

  10. olivesanwine October 27, 2013 / 4:13 pm

    Bummer on the news 😦 Sorry lady, I know you’ve got this though so try to stay positive even if it’s difficult! I also know what you mean about going off a diet and then gaining all of the weight plus some back. I go back and forth between tracking my food and trying to be more intuitive. I just think I have absolutely no intuition when it comes to food and my hunger! I can’t wait to follow your journey.

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